Spiritual ADD

For a long time, God has been pretty quiet in my life.  It’s been a tough concept to grasp because I know how it is to be in conversation with Him and to hear Him so clearly.  Whatever “great” to the nth power is, it’s that and then some.  Needless to say, it’s been a spiritual struggle like none other.  I was talking to my dad about it last weekend and he advised me to wake up earlier than my normal prayer time every morning for a week and simply say, “Lord, I’m listening.”  Sounds good in theory.  But what I discovered is that it’s not that He’s not speaking.  No, I’m actually the problem.  My mind is like a house party.  Seriously.  It is always buzzing with the constant chatter of my worries, frustrations, impending decisions, my endless “to-do” list, etc.  All of this to the backdrop of the soundtrack of my emotions, ranging from dancehall to classical.  There’s always chatter…there’s always music… 

When I get up to spend time w/God, my mind can’t help but settle on the residual issues from the day, week, month, even years prior.  If I don’t have the tightest mental grip on things I can’t control, I spend a lot of time on the futile exercise of trying to get it.  At this very moment, it has become apparent that instead of me running my thoughts, they have been running me.  *sigh*  That’s a whole ‘nother post.  I guess I’ve been too overloaded to realize that God is constantly speaking.  However, His Word won’t settle unless it has a stable resting place.  Consequently, not only has He been encouraging me to clean my spiritual house, but He is always offering to help (Matthew 11:28-30, I Peter 5:7).  And in God’s eyes, my clutter is not disposable…it all has a purpose.  Casting the “clutter” of my cares into God’s hands is like tossing seed on fertile ground…fruit has no choice but to abound… 

I plan to give this another shot:).  But this time, i’ll work on getting these thoughts under subjection.  Lord, thank you for always being there and for always offering your hands as a viable “out” box.  I know that when you’re involved in the clean-up process, I’m emptied of the clutter and freed up to be filled with You.