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Bad Dreams, Open Doors, and Sin

Just had a really unsettling dream…one of those dreams that you don’t realize is not real until you wake up.  The only thing about waking up from this one is that I knew right away that it was real. I guess more than anything, I should be thankful that I have a chance not to make it my reality.  Let me explain…

Last night, I was praying and asking God about an issue that was heavy on my mind (has been for quite some time)…waited and heard nothing.  So, driven by flesh and pure frustration, I did something I shouldn’t have.  This is a pattern for me.  I’m saved and I love Jesus…but I also sin.  Especially when I’m disappointed or I feel like God isn’t being responsive.  And, quite frankly, it’s hard not to.  I want what God wants, but the extent to which is questionable sometimes because, flesh.

So…the dream.  I was staying in a very nice Hilton property.  They had upgraded me to this crazy penthouse suite because I’m a Diamond member.  It was EVERYTHING!  So I’m living in the lap of luxury, all excited about my life for the next few days.  That is, until the next morning when i wake up to my friend, Tina, in my room talking to me all regular.  Like, she was carrying on as if I had actually let her in and she was supposed to be in my suite.  I stopped her mid-sentence and asked how she got in.  She explained that there was an obscured opening to my bathroom from the outside hallway…she just walked in through there.  It wasn’t obvious, but if you knew it was there, it was super easy to get in.  I was dumbfounded, but thankful at the same time that it was my friend.  I thought to myself that I should talk to the front desk about it, but I didn’t.  I went on to work and then to a party. That evening, I was shocked to find a friend of Tina’s letting herself into my room.  She and I are cool, but not like Tina and I.  Even though we were not as close, I’ve never questioned her intentions and found her to be harmless in this situation.  Again, I thought to do something about the door, but went to sleep instead. The next morning, I couldn’t find my purse where I left it, so I went frantically looking for it.  When I found it, I discovered that my wallet was missing, among other things.  I was absolutely horrified.  #1, Because I had chance after chance to prevent this.  #2, I had SO many valuable things in there and now I was super pressed about restoring my life. But…where to start? What all was actually missing? Who do I contact?  Do I focus on finding the perpetrator or cutting off my financial/identity lifeline to them?  I felt like I couldn’t seem to do any of the above fast enough.  The opened can of worms caused by my carelessness and inattentiveness to that hidden, but open door had me stuck like “whoa.”

So it is with sin.  It rarely comes to the front door.  Rather, it’s access points are typically your biggest, most gaping vulnerabilities. Needs…wants…especially the longstanding, unmet ones.  When you’re waiting on God for a response and He takes a while (in your estimation), it’s not uncommon to entertain ways/means that are contrary to His.   The enemy will never try to convince you on raw, unadulterated sin.  He’ll package it up real nice and peddle it in the form of a steady barrage of suggestions.  He is never forceful because sin is ultimately your decision.  But once allowed in, the effects are devastating…

All of the above happened Monday.  It’s Sunday and I have a lot more thoughts on this topic.  But I also have somewhere to be at 5am.  To be continued ASAP… 

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About apb82

I am a determined 30-something chasing God's will and changing my life one "thanks" at a time...

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Ashley B.
Fairfax, VA

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