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Sex, Deal Breakers, and Blank Stares

Quick story time…

I met this guy when I was flying back and forth to Hartford
last month.  Super cool guy with a
similar lifestyle to mine.  After
chatting it up on the plane, he asked for my info and he’d been in touch via
text for the most part.  So in
conversation last week, he asks me what I’m ultimately looking for…marriage, to
have fun, etc.  I told him I definitely want
to be a wife and a mom…added that “I’m a traditional girl.”  Then like a whole 24 hours later (so you KNOW buddy
had been marinating on this all day), he asks me, “So when you say you’re a ‘traditional
girl,’ does that mean no sex before marriage?” 
I confirm that that’s what it means. 
He tells me that’s great…that he aspires to the same.  Then in the same breath, he says that he
tells women that if no sex is their focus, he’s probably not the guy they want
to date.  Well, he just feels like he shouldn’t have to
be deprived if someone before him wasn’t so deprived.  Not to mention that so many other women would
be here for it. 
*blank stare* Needless to say, I haven’t
heard from him since…

I thought so before, but I think that exchange solidified to me just how big of a dealbreaker premarital sex is to a
lot of guys.  Almost like an entitlement.  Many guys seem so willing to forego the rest of the process with a suitable life mate if sex is not on the table.   I’d say at least 90% of guys I’ve dated fall off because of this.  It’s pretty discouraging because, for me, the sex is not the issue.  
I’m not perfect…I’ve compromised quite a bit here.  I’ll never be mad at a guy for wanting
to have sex because I want to have sex, too.
  God gave us this desire.  But more
than that, I really want to please God…and I want a guy who wants to strive with me in doing so.
  That kind of man…the kind who loves God more…he is scarce.  I’m not waiting for perfection…Just someone who wants God’s way most. 

I feel like such a unicorn.

No real conclusion or deepness to this.  I’m just kind of tired.  All of the puns.  I won’t stop waiting on God, though.  For whatever He wants to do here. 

About apb82

I am a determined 30-something chasing God's will and changing my life one "thanks" at a time...


7 thoughts on “Sex, Deal Breakers, and Blank Stares

  1. Hi Ms Ashley I’m curious in his convo’s with you did he mention God at all? If not, his goal was always conquest.

    Posted by Nina Shelese Reed | August 28, 2017, 6:46 am
  2. I totally understand the frustration. Ah, the stories I could tell! And not only do I want him to strive to please God with me in the area of sexual purity, I’m crazy enough to believe God for a man to LEAD the effort in a relationship. Like…I want him coming to me saying this is what we will NOT do. And for most guys, even the good Christian ones like you’ve mentioned, this is an unrealistic fairy tale. Which is now becoming an extreme turn-off. But I’ve just come to the resolve that all of the disappointments will just make it so that when God brings along the right man, I won’t miss him. Even in the difficult moments, don’t lost hope. He’s on the way. 🙂

    Posted by Gabrielle Mitchell | August 28, 2017, 9:52 am
    • Gabby, thank you SO much for this! Lately, I’m feeling hard pressed for friends who get this. And YES to wanting a man to take the lead here…i can’t see it any other way! A lot of guys have tolerated it, but support has been scarce. I feel like the whole ” true love waits” concept was so poignant when I was 16. And while it is still true and applicable, I never thought about what it looked like at 35. It’s hard. The main thing I’ve asked God for in this arena is a man who loves Him and someone I can glorify Him with forever. Unicorn iso another unicorn, lol. God knows… and I’ve resolved to be ok with where I am, whether he comes or not. Compromise is no longer an option for me. Thank you…i needed your words today🤗😘.

      Posted by apb82 | August 28, 2017, 11:15 am
      • Sucks for those friends, lol. But truly, I think this is a critical area for believers, mainly b/c satan is on top of his game in deceiving people into thinking this is something in which God turns a blind eye or that is not very much SIN which separates us from God and opens us to the attacks of the enemy (i.e. sickness and disease, broken families b/c of unplanned pregnancies, distorted mental states b/c of soul connections with toxic people, and much more). I guess maybe many don’t reconcile the source of a lot of these issues as being related to the fall from sexual purity. It is so commonplace and acceptable, even for Christians, that people act like you are a freak if you are choosing a life to honor God and His Word. I, too, have not been perfect in this area and have personally been able to see, feel, and experience the confusion, hurt, and suffering it has caused my life. I have gone the route of the man who will “give my decision a try” or “TRY to support the decision I have made”. And I find every time, it just brings greater temptations and struggles I would not have normally faced if I were alone and waiting patiently of God (much easier said than done :)). However, I have a deep thanks to God for opening my blinded eyes to danger or premarital sex, still at 35. God has dealt with me a lot in this area and I believe deep in my heart that True love DOES wait, it is patient, and kind and it does not want it’s own way. It is a direct reflection of who God is and it is the only love I trust and would be willing to open my most prized possession, my body, to. And I don’t believe it’s “WHETHER he comes or not”, it’s only “WHEN He comes”. We have put God and His Word to the test here, to give us the desires of our heart (our God-approved desires). So I’m living a life of expectancy, living like he’s on the way, b/c in my experience with God, He is the ultimate man…He always comes through on a challenge. In a BIG way!

        Posted by Gabrielle Mitchell | August 28, 2017, 12:14 pm
      • Gabby, I love you for this… thank you. I have a few more thoughts… Will post when I get a few minutes (work is crazy…)…

        Posted by apb82 | August 28, 2017, 8:20 pm

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Ashley B.
Fairfax, VA

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